The Jordan Harbinger Show

when we journal each morning we read a page from this book that a friend sent us and you know each date has a page and it has advice about Healing After Loss and I must say that the quality of the concepts and so on are very good so I would recommend this anybody who's going to have a loss I'm gonna send this book to because it helps them to get to whatever approach is right for them but I do think working oneself through it is the best path

...he says this in the book called science or survival while talking about homosexuality and people like me who are considered a suppressive person.

I'm just ribbing you yeah but you know what happens when I get speeches I don't ever introduce myself or have myself introduced as doctor but at the end of the training they always refer to me as doctor so I know at least I've earned their respect versus forcing somebody to respect a piece of paper basically yeah because I'm a cop with a piece of paper that's about it

I describe it in the book called Brian's loop number one you want to decide what information am I going to reveal to the public that I'm very comfortable with and we should do this in our own lives so when I'm out in the mall what information am I going to give strangers and then when strangers approach you and ask you something that's outside that realm of information you want to reveal you answered yes no I don't know tell them what you do know and then put the conversation back on them

I've said this on the show even recently where this woman in the Victorian era went out with two would be prime ministers or cabinet ministers and grape ring have you heard this one of them is Benjamin israeli and the woman says when I went out with whatever the other guy's name was I thought he was the most interesting person in all of Britain but then I went out with Benjamin israeli and I thought I was the most interesting person in all of Britain because he just kept throwing things back on her and making her feel good and in probably using empathetic or empathic statements to make her feel that way

I remember when I first started learning some of these elicitation techniques this is years ago now in law school I ran into an old friend of mine at a party and she said something along the line it's been years now she said something along the lines of hey how are you I haven't seen you in a while and I said yeah do you still talk to and I insert you know mutual friends from high school that we used to hang out with and she goes yeah yeah did you hear from him lately I just spoke with him recently and I could tell there was something that she was trying to see if I knew what had happened and I said oh you mean that his dad was secretly gay because I always suspected that but I was sort of drinking and probably shouldn't have said that in any way she goes yeah I just can't believe that she let that he left so and so's mom for another guy and I went oh my god I was just kidding I implored it that out right because I just didn't expect it to work

In that situation you would think that somebody who is a trained intelligence agent who's got to be on high alert for everything would have at least seen some of this coming but is their level of anxiety so high that they kind of is their relief and being caught like him saying I knew you were tapping my phones it almost seems like he just wanted to get it over with.

In the book, The Truth Detector and X FBI agents guide for getting people to reveal the truth.

This is the follow-up from your previous book, The Like Switch which will definitely have to have you come by and talk about at some point.

I have this whole thing in the beginning which says do not make this a power struggle in your relationship.

if you have a partner who doesn't want to read this book don't ask them to

practice the things learn them yourself practice kindness we can't make the other person be like us

I read in the book that you and we'll link to that in the show notes that you were sworn in as CIA director on an actual draft copy of the Constitution with George Washington's notes on it.

There's a comment in the book that you made about diversity inside the C.I.A. in fact, I'm going to find it in my notes here because this segway is pretty well with that you took actually quite a bit of flack for focusing on diversity inside the C.I.A.

When you took your polygraph entrance exam for the CIA, there's a funny story in the book about them asking you if you lied to anyone recently you want to tell us about this.

You have a funny disguise story that's in the book as well tell me about escorting this Middle Eastern military officer and his family some people may find it funny but I found it embarrassing.

There's a story in the book about somebody getting caught stealing food from the CIA cafeteria and it sounds it sounds funny right it sounds kind of silly but you mentioned that this shows a lack of integrity and has no place in the agency

by the way we also consulted with Michelle Tillis Lederman on your question she's an executive coach and the author of the Connectors Advantage will link to that in the show notes great book she pointed out that you have nothing to lose really by negotiating for the flexibility that you want and just letting these guys know how that flexibility also benefits them

Stephen Haasen... he recommends a guy named Stanton Peele, his approach to addiction...Peele wrote a book called 'The Truth About Addiction and Recovery'.

I do have a book recommendation I just happen to be reading this book it's called Silently Seduced when parents make their children partners I'm assuming a few things I don't know the full story re-peee it is a little icky and that's kind of the point of the whole book

He's an economist. He wrote a book essentially on the economics of drugs, drug cartels, drug warfare.

a lot of people are mixing up correlation with causation... fooling ourselves into being more confident will actually improve our performance... like fake it till you make it

it's easy to observe the tight association that we see all around us between confidence and performance and get confused between correlation and causation... does not mean that their confidence was causal in those outcomes

fool yourself that way thinking that it's confidence... their confidence that made them successful can lead you to want to trick yourself into being more confident

confidence is either a side effect of success or non-causal relationship or it actually causes you to be less successful because you were overconfident

I'm 70% sure instead of either I'm definitely sure or I have no idea... consider the opposite... consider different perspectives

There's a quote from Peter Levine, he was a trauma expert, he wrote a book called 'Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma'. One of the core quotes in the book is that trauma isn't what happens to you, it's what you hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.

I have this whole thing in the beginning which says do not make this a power struggle in your relationship if you have a partner who doesn't want to read this book don't ask them to

we can learn all the techniques in the world but if we're not kind if we don't really care about what's going on with them if we don't know how to listen it doesn't mean anything

communication is a loaded word and we can learn all the techniques in the world but if we're not kind if we don't really care about what's going on with them if we don't know how to listen it doesn't mean anything

I read in the book that you and we'll link to that in the show notes that you were sworn in as CIA director on an actual draft copy of the Constitution with George Washington's notes on it.

There's a comment in the book that you made about diversity inside the C.I.A. in fact, I'm going to find it in my notes here because this segway is pretty well with that you took actually quite a bit of flack for focusing on diversity inside the C.I.A.

I heard your grandfather used to smuggle documents for the IRA. I guess he was a human fax machine back then.

There's a story in the book about somebody getting caught stealing food from the CIA cafeteria and it sounds it sounds funny right it sounds kind of silly but you mentioned that this shows a lack of integrity and has no place in the agency and that totally makes sense I wouldn't want somebody working for my company if they were going in the refrigerator and taking my lunch out and eating it and then lying about it right so what happens if you get caught doing something like that at CIA do you get fired or is it kind of like hey man stop eating other people's lunches what's going on there

You have a funny disguise story that's in the book as well tell me about escorting this Middle Eastern military officer and his family some people may find it funny but I found it embarrassing.

I invented a country to put that money in. I invented Moneyland because it essentially has the attributes of a country, it has its own legal system, it has its own very well protected enforcement agencies which are these lawyers who work on behalf of the world's kleptocrats.

It's like an invisible island there's a you can only see it if you have a billion dollars, right?

It's like I really struggled with where to put it. Is it above us or is it below us? It's because it's not here but so where is it?

She goes down a rabbit hole, she falls down and then she sees there's a magic door that she can't get through because she doesn't have the key but she can see through the keyhole and she can see there's this magic garden that she doesn't have access to.

Yeah, that's what I imagine Moneyland is like you know you fall down a rabbit hole and you can see through the keyhole you can see there's something wonderful but because you're not a billionaire you can't open the door so you can't have access to it yourself but if you can open the door if you are a billionaire then it's amazing it's a world where the normal rules don't apply.