Supercommunicators How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection

And I just was saying previously, I admire your beard. You're going in the Malcolm Gladwell School of weird hair situations, follicular.

So, I had this problem where I'd come home from work and I would complain to my wife about my day and she would give me this really good advice, like, you know, take your boss out to lunch, get to know him better. And instead of being able to hear her, I would, you know, get upset and say, why aren't you supporting me? You're supposed to be on my side. And then she would get upset because I was attacking her for giving me good advice. And I wanted to understand what was going on.

And one of the things that we know now is that we think of a discussion as being about one thing, but it's actually many different kinds of conversations. And in general, they tend to fall into one or three buckets. There's practical conversations where we're solving problems, we're making plans together. But then there's emotional conversations where I tell you what I'm feeling and I don't want you to solve my feelings. I want you to empathize. And then finally, there's social conversations about how we relate to each other.

So, you know, you're from 1864, say Arizona. I look like Lenin if he was less sexy.

And so I went out to researchers and I asked them, you know, why am I miscommunicating? I'm a professional communicator. I'm an age of understanding communication. And one of the things that we know now is that we think of a discussion as being about one thing, but it's actually many different kinds of conversations.

He was actually, he was on, I think it was on NBC, MSNBC, and he was on All Years English and he is on many other shows.

So what our listeners could do is just type in Charles Duhigg, find his interviews, his round of interviews. He's done on multiple podcasts and listen to all of them.

It's going to be more or less about the same topic of how to be a super communicator, but you're going to have different angles.

I started reading your book, your new book called, what is it called? What's the new book that you have out here?

Super communicators. Unlock, how to unlock the secret language of connection.

And I saw that title and I said, boom, that's it. We need to have you on the show because here at All Years English, that is our vision.

Even better news one of the finest journalists of our age Charles do Hig is now out with a whole book where he dives into said research and describes in very lucid terms how to deploy it in your life how to become what he calls a super communicator.

And his latest book is called super communicators.

You mentioned super communicator, I want to get to that term in a second but since we're on the matching principle, is it just about picking up on the words people use or can it be something about body language?

So it sounds like she's a super communicator not just with you but with other people.

Super communicators are people who consistently can do this because they've thought about how conversations work.

The difference is that there are some people who have thought about this a little bit more deeply, who have practiced it a little bit more and they can be super communicators whenever they want to be because oftentimes when it happens in our life it just sort of it feels like chance right like either we know someone so well or we walk into a meeting and we know exactly what to say but then we walk into another meeting and we can't persuade anyone.

And the way that they work in real life is to usually ask a simple question and then follow up by trying to make it deep such as what do you do for living? I'm a lawyer. Do you love practicing law? Did you always want to be a lawyer? When did you decide to go to law school?

We've talked about a bunch of really winning and scientifically validated ways to become a super communicator.

And his new book is called Super Communicators, which is gonna be the focus of today's conversation.

When we look at super communicators, we see some sort of consistent behaviors beyond asking deep questions and beyond looping for understanding.

His newest book, Super Communicators Out Now, fits squarely in the focus of this podcast.

In super communicators, you do a really nice job of explaining the role of connection and alignment in successful communication.

I'm so excited to get into your new book, Super Communicator.

Well then if you want a happier life, pick up Super Communicators.

Super Communicators is on sale in any bookstore you like. Amazon, your local independent bookseller, Audible if you want to listen to it instead of read it.

Or you can Google Super Communicators or The Power of Habit, which is the first book that I wrote.

I'm so excited to get into your new book, Super Communicator.

Well, then if you want a happier life, pick up super communicators.

And we have the author here, Charles Duhigg, who is the author of Super Communicators. It's actually called Super Communicators, How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection, the full version of that title.

But Charles is a Pulitzer Prize winning reporter and the author of two other incredible books

I kept on finding myself in these situations. Like I was made a manager at work and I was really good at the logistics part of the job. But then people would come to me with problems and, and I thought I was hearing what they were saying, but, but they would walk away frustrated and I would be frustrated or, or I'd come home from work after a tough day. And I'd, I'd be talking to my wife and I'd say, you know, like my boss is a jerk and my colleagues don't appreciate me.

And she would give me this really good advice, which is like, why don't you just like take your boss to lunch and get to know each other.

And most of those conversations fall into one of three buckets. There's these practical conversations where we're talking about plans and fixing problems. There's emotional conversations where our goal is not to fix a problem, just to explain how we feel. And then there's social conversations, which is about how we relate to each other, both interpersonally and you know, through society.

And they said, this is what's happening with your wife. You're coming home and you're having an emotional conversation. You're upset.

And oftentimes the way that we, particularly if we're not practiced at reading someone's emotions, a great habit to get into is to first of all force ourselves just to pay attention and listen for when someone says something that seems emotional, that's that comes out of nowhere, right?

Somebody's walking into a situation where they need to become the super communicator. They're going to go out and buy your book for sure, but is there a cheat sheet for getting the best out there?

And think about how much you just told me in that answer, right? You told me that you're someone who values curiosity, that you value passion. You've told me that you're proud of the fact that you've done 500 episodes, right? Like you mentioned, the fact that you mentioned that means that like, that's an accomplishment for you. And so that creates a conversation and a feeling in there where they're gonna want to reciprocate, maybe not even write immediately, but I bet they're gonna go back to you at the office and the next time they see you ask something about how was your weekend, right?

Everybody needs to read this book for sure.

And all of us can be super communicators all the time if we just spend a little bit of time thinking about what we want to say and spend a little bit of time thinking about how we learn to listen.

So on that note, Charles Duhigg, author of Super Communicators, it was awesome having you on and very, very excited to meet you and also to have everybody

Want to master the art of communication? Charles Duhigg, author of Super Communicators, reveals key strategies for enhancing your connections and conversations in this enlightening podcast episode.

Want to master the art of communication? Charles Duhigg, author of Super Communicators, reveals key strategies for enhancing your connections and conversations in this enlightening podcast episode.

I just read this in a book called Super Communicators by Charles Duhigg is that most people really don't want to do shallow, small talk.

I was interviewing Charles Duhigg who wrote this book, Super Communicators, and he was saying he knows when he asks a question and the person has a quick answer or an answer that is prepared, that he's not asked a new question.

Then he wrote this new book, Super Communicators, How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection.

And she kept going like multiple times throughout the last month and a half, having been reading this book, Super Communicators.

She is normally not interested in any of the guests on the podcast at all let alone reading the books and she keeps like I would say at least five times she was like so it's reading in this super communicator.

I think it's a great book.

We do have signed copies of The Power of Habit and Super Communicators in the painted porch.