Never Split the Difference Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It: Unlock Your Persuasion Potential in Professional and Personal Life

Chris is also the author of a phenomenal bestselling book entitled Never Split the Difference.

They have really great books.

Oh my god how funny. I actually learned that it was pronounced this way recently and funny enough there was a study done that found that avid readers often mispronounce words since they expand their vocabulary through reading rather than watching movies or watching shows. So through sound, I thought it was just really curious. What kind of books do you typically enjoy?

Chris Voss the guy that wrote Never split the difference he was the former Head of the FBI's Negotiation team ...

When I was reading the principles in your book, never split the difference, I could relate it to my romantic relationships and business negotiations.

And you've got your book as well, which we've talked about a bit, which is never split the difference, which is sold more than 2 million copies worldwide, which is just staggering.

Thank you for writing such a great book on a topic that is relevant to more than just FBI negotiations... it sold more than 2.5 million copies worldwide.

"Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It" (book) https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/0062407805

His book is Never Split the Difference. Some of you might've seen it on MasterClass.

There's a book that sits on our coffee table at home. One book. The book is titled Never Split the Difference.

But my wife reads this book so much because she says, I need to tap into your brain ... It's about my girl.

Never Split the Difference. It's deep on so many levels, right? I get it for leaders. It's my number one book. My team has to read it. You have to read that book within your first 90 days.

It helps you start to understand people, the decisions they make, the choices that they decide upon.

It was a gift. I'm very happy with it. It's a proof of concept of human nature because the book's about collaboration, trust and longterm relationships where both people do well.

His book is Never Split The Difference.

I never want to read his book because I read like so many bad negotiation books where I read like half of so many bad negotiation books in law school. I never want to read another one again. I'm like, all right, I'll listen to it. And I was blown away. And I tell Chris, no, this is like one of my top 10 books ever. Like I, that book is so well written and the top that it's just so good.

Never Split the Difference is a great parenting book.

I hear back from women that for the first time, my husband, it feels like my husband's listening to me.

Everything you've been doing up to now has been stupid.

Argument has become a synonym for negotiation and it's a horrible synonym.

Great negotiation is invisible so you don't see it.

There's a great author. His name is Chris Voss. He wrote a book called Never Split the Difference. Chris Voss, great book.

if you've read never split the difference some of this is going to sound familiar by chris voss and it starts with a very simple

never split the book difference is a just go read the book

If you don't know about mirroring and labeling either read split the difference or just google it

I had to go get five different landowners on a zoom call. I read a Chris boss, never split the difference FBI tactics to negotiation like the day before, because I'm like not screwing this up.

Chris boss, never split the difference. It's one of the best books you can read. FBI negotiator.

Chris's Book: Never Split the Difference Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

He is the CEO of the Black Swan Group and co-author of Never Split the Difference, Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It.

One of the most popular books that's out there right now is Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference. He didn't sit down and write the book the way that I did. He hired this guy, Guy something, I can't remember his last name, but that he was the real writer, the literary person.

The book sells very well in China.

not in English, in Chinese.

how's China gonna open up?

how's the Indian open up?

Chris picked up on the same thing I did a moment ago, which is you're getting this feedback from more than one source and you're not quite rejecting it. Maybe you did in the past, but less so now. But there does seem to be some resistance to really taking it in.

Chris's feeling was that it is an obstacle to getting better, and that stance can make somebody not very coachable.

Chris shared an interesting saying with us, which is that if you're explaining, you're losing.

So if you're busy explaining to people, people who are trying to help you why they're wrong and you're right or yeah, you might come across that way, but it's not your intention. That itself is the barrier to improving. And as Chris pointed out, just engaging in that kind of justification, that actually does sound a little condescending.

It's like you try to ask a question that's like let me try to get in with this person, ask like make an offensive joke and then they're like, "My wife's that," and you're like, "Oh."

There's a Joe buttons line that like they're so he's a rapper for those who don't know Joe button

And in the book never split the difference.

I've read getting to yes, I bought getting to yes. It's still one of the best-selling negotiation books on a planet.

I've never had anybody say to me, wow, I read getting to yes and immediately we can apply a principle that made a difference in my deal.

Getting to yes is like trying to learn the English language by reading the dictionary. It's technically nothing flawed about it, you will go well, how do I use this? You know, what am I going to do with this?

Chris, thank you so much, much appreciated. We'll link to the book never split the difference in the show notes as well. Thanks so much, Chris.

I read the whole book of course again which is great because he still learned there's so much in the book.

It reads like a more interesting instruction manual or textbook with actual stories which most textbooks don't have because there's no other any practical application.

The book is loaded with very detailed negotiation examples from both hostage situations and business situations.

it's I think it's probably got to be one of the most widely regarded books on negotiation even if even if you do say so yourself

the book title is never split the difference one of the best books on negotiation anywhere

So before he could become an FBI hostage negotiator he was asked to be a suicide hotline phone responder.

And so one of the interesting things here is that when he was talking to people in those situations he said he would use a late night FM DJ voice.

So when people feel like they're out of control, they begin to shut down.

So it's possible for you to have a productive conversation.

But one of the things that he talks about a lot is the illusion of control.

one of the only books that I recommend on negotiations called never split the difference by Chris Voss

he uses a phrase called tactical empathy and I've been teaching this class for years and basically the same thing in different words but I like the way he phrases it negotiations are about the use of tactical empathy

I read the whole book of course again which is great because he still learned there's so much in the book. It reads like a more interesting instruction manual or textbook with actual stories which most textbooks don't have because there's no other any practical application.

I'm gonna say you know those are really good chance we're gonna do something here it's gonna scare the hell out of you you know I don't exactly how all this is going you know I got a team with me this is not just me saying this I got a team I am a representative of our entire body of institutional knowledge this is not my decision everything I do I bounce off a lot of people by one team in advance we're gonna ask you to do stuff that scares the heck out of you and actually and I'm gonna I'll say I'm gonna tell you an advance I want you to be scared it's gonna help us in the negotiation.

The book is loaded with very detailed negotiation examples from both hostage situations and business situations there's a lot more than we could get to here and it's I think it's probably got to be one of the most widely regarded books on negotiation even if even if you do say so yourself.

The book title is never split the difference one of the best books on negotiation anywhere I'll link to that in the show notes.

I've read that I thought that was a brilliant tactic it's how does this work in practice is I'm screaming at you stop asking me stupid freaking questions sending a pizza and two million dollars I'm going to start whacking some of these dumb kids I got here you know stuck in this bank what are you doing to calm me down at this point yes you're listening but what else I mean I'm just pissed off it's been 13 hours I got nothing left in the tank I'm over it.

So before he could become an FBI hostage negotiator he was asked to be a suicide hotline phone responder.

And so one of the interesting things here is that when he was talking to people in those situations he said he would use a late night FM DJ voice.

But the whole point is like we want people to be calm but we also want to give them the sense that they're in control, this illusion that they're in control.

If you're talking to someone on the other side of the table then you feel them beginning to shut down using body language or inflection and reading that which we'll talk about in a minute, take it back from them.

So it's possible for you to have a productive conversation.

one of the only books that I recommend on negotiations called never split the difference by Chris Voss

he uses a phrase called tactical empathy and I've been teaching this class for years and basically the same thing in different words but I like the way he phrases it negotiations are about the use of tactical empathy

In the book never split the difference.

It's still one of the best selling negotiation books on a planet.

I've never had anybody say to me, wow, I read getting to yes and immediately we can't reply a principle that made a difference in my deal.

I love this guy's work and I love the book the stories of the bank robberies and the kidnappings in the hostage situations it's just so high pressure it's a job I'm glad I don't have but all so fascinated to hear about it from the inside I especially enjoy how he ties these wild tales into sizing up the person on the other side of the table or the phone figuring out how to talk to those people in their language in their religion he also uses a lot of really great insightful techniques to generate rapport as well as getting people to flesh out their own thoughts so they come to the same conclusions as you or I that is a useful tool I have been using all these tools to great effect myself over the years since learning them from Chris I know you will certainly do the same as well.

I especially enjoy how he ties these wild tales into sizing up the person on the other side of the table or the phone figuring out how to talk to those people in their language in their religion he also uses a lot of really great insightful techniques to generate rapport as well as getting people to flesh out their own thoughts so they come to the same conclusions as you or I that is a useful tool I have been using all these tools to great effect myself over the years since learning them from Chris I know you will certainly do the same as well.

I read the whole book of course again which is great because he still learned there's so much in the book. It reads like a more interesting instruction manual or textbook with actual stories which most textbooks don't have because there's no other any practical application.

I think it's probably got to be one of the most widely regarded books on negotiation even if even if you do say so yourself.

the book is loaded with very detailed negotiation examples from both hostage situations and business situations

one of the best books on negotiation anywhere

just never split the difference my prince boss

And so one of the interesting things here is that when he was talking to people in those situations he said he would use a late night FM DJ voice.

It's kind of funny because we're sitting in a recording booth so I feel like I can do this very convincingly but he would slow it down, he would deepen his voice, he would talk very calmly and he would put the other person at ease.

Now the reason that he wanted to do that is if I'm talking so bad at that job. You're gonna pull the trigger? Oh yeah, you're tough guy. How can I go and do it? Do it. See if you have the balls. I don't think you have it in you, shoot. That did not work.

The whole point is like we want people to be calm but we also want to give them the sense that they're in control, this illusion that they're in control.

one of the only books that I recommend on negotiations called never split the difference by Chris Voss

The other being never split the difference by Chris Boss which is also an incredible book.