Mating in Captivity
Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic
Esther Perel
A New York City therapist examines the paradoxical relationship between domesticity and sexual desire and explains what it takes to bring lust home.
One of the world’s most respected voices on erotic intelligence, Esther Perel offers a bold, provocative new take on intimacy and sex.
It was her first book, and it focused on the idea that sexual problems are not always a result of relationship problems, but rather, sexuality can be a parallel narrative to the relationship.
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That was one of the foundational ideas for mating in captivity, my first book.
— Episode: Esther Perel: How to Find, Build & Maint...
Episode: Esther Perel: How to Find, Build & Maintain Health...
It was her first book, and it focused on the idea that sexual problems are not always a result of relationship problems, but rather, sexuality can be a parallel narrative to the relationship.
"
That was one of the foundational ideas for mating in captivity, my first book.
The hosts highlighted how the book reshaped thinking about relationships and intimacy, noting its 20th anniversary and its impact on questioning long‑standing assumptions about sex and partnership. They explained that it explored the tension between love and desire, and how couples negotiate security and adventure in long‑term relationships. The discussion conveyed strong endorsement of its insights for listeners.
Highly Recommended
Episode: Meet Esther Perel – One of My Favorite People [VID...
The hosts discussed how the book reshaped thinking about relationships and intimacy, noting its 20th anniversary and its role in questioning longstanding assumptions about sex and partnership.
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Mating in Captivity ... it's a book. Yeah, it's a book. And for those who don't know, it has its 20th anniversary next time. Congratulations.
I just had not focused on sexuality and the cultural story that supports our expectations around sexuality, desire, eroticism in long term relationships. I wrote Mating in Captivity and it actually questioned a whole set of suppositions that were parading as truths when they were actually not.
That was the subject of this first book - how love and desire relate, how they sometimes conflict, and how we negotiate security and adventure in relationships.
Episode: Love on a Timeline with Esther Perel [VIDEO]
Esther mentioned that her first book, Mating in Captivity, examined the tension between desire and security in relationships.
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And I, you know, Mating in Captivity, my first book was all about that tension.
Esther Perel's book, 'Mating in Captivity' was mentioned in relation to the challenges of couples being in close proximity during quarantine and the need for space within relationships.
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Now, I've written Mating in Captivity to say that fire needs air. This was Mating in Captivity, the quarantine edition.
— Episode: Esther Perel ON: Finding Love & the Real...
Episode: Esther Perel ON: Finding Love & the Real Reason Co...
Esther Perel's book, 'Mating in Captivity' was mentioned in relation to the challenges of couples being in close proximity during quarantine and the need for space within relationships.
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Now, I've written Mating in Captivity to say that fire needs air. This was Mating in Captivity, the quarantine edition.
It explores the reconciliation of our fundamental human needs for security and freedom within a relationship, a topic discussed extensively in the podcast.
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the one that I wrote about in meeting in captivity was to say that we all need security and we all also need adventure or change or freedom
— Episode: Esther Perel (Love & Sex Expert): Why M...
Episode: Esther Perel (Love & Sex Expert): Why Men Love Po...
It explores the reconciliation of our fundamental human needs for security and freedom within a relationship, a topic discussed extensively in the podcast.
"
the one that I wrote about in meeting in captivity was to say that we all need security and we all also need adventure or change or freedom
The hosts expressed curiosity and admiration when the title was first mentioned, and a therapist later confirmed she had read the book and discussed its relevance to couples therapy. In a later episode, the series was compared to the book’s exploration of intimacy, noting a similar thematic focus. Overall, the discussion highlighted the book’s insightful take on balancing erotic and domestic life.
Episode: Alex Cooper
They briefly mentioned the book, expressing curiosity and admiration for hearing about it.
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Well, have you ever listened to Esther Perel's Maining in Captivity? Similar like, wow, I can't believe I get to hear this.
Episode: Orna Guralnik (Couples Therapy)
Orna confirmed she had read the book and discussed its relevance to therapy.
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Had you been aware of Mating in Captivity?
Yes, of the book.
Episode: Synced: Morning After Slumber Party
The show was compared to Esther Perel's book, noting it felt similar to her exploration of intimacy but was a filmed documentary series.
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I mean, this is, so it's also like, it's a doc series, and it's kind of like Esther Perel mating and captivity, but it's filmed and it's not her.
Episode: Part 7: Monica & Jess Love Goblins with Esther Per...
The hosts noted they had read the book and used its ideas to discuss how to maintain desire in longterm relationships.
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And I did Rekindling Desire, which was now that you've read mating in captivity the book, what do you do?
It was discussed as exploring the erotic in a mystical sense, focusing on aliveness, vibrancy, and vitality, contrasting it with the mere absence of death.
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I would say that my entire book, Mating in Captivity, is really about that question, you know, where I began to understand the difference of what does it mean to explore the erotic, but erotic in the...
— Episode: 42. ARE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS ALIVE? with E...
Episode: 42. ARE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS ALIVE? with Esther Pere...
It was discussed as exploring the erotic in a mystical sense, focusing on aliveness, vibrancy, and vitality, contrasting it with the mere absence of death.
"
I would say that my entire book, Mating in Captivity, is really about that question, you know, where I began to understand the difference of what does it mean to explore the erotic, but erotic in the mystical sense of the word, aliveness, vibrancy, vitality, energy, life force.
Esther Perel repeatedly referenced the book throughout the series, using it to illustrate her expertise on intimacy, erotic desire, and the challenges couples face, especially during lockdown. She highlighted its relevance to long‑term relationships and often encouraged listeners to explore its insights. The overall tone was supportive and endorsing, presenting the title as a valuable resource for the audience.
Highly Recommended
Episode: The Arc of Love - Young Love
Esther Perel mentioned her book, *Mating in Captivity*, which she wrote about relationships and intimacy.
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating in Captivity in the State of Affairs.
Episode: Impotent is No Way To Define a Man
Esther Perel is the author of this book, which was mentioned in passing during the end of the podcast.
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating and Captivity in the State of Affairs.
Episode: There's You, There's Me, There's US
Esther Perel, the host of the podcast, is the author of the book "Mating in Captivity." The book was mentioned as part of her bio at the end of the podcast episode.
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Esther Perrell is the author of Mating and Captivity in the State of Affairs.
Episode: Esther Perel on New AI - Artificial Intimacy
It was described as being a book that is relevant to the difficulties that many couples experienced during the COVID pandemic.
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It's mating in captivity.
On the best day.
It was a really hard season, doing a lot of work, really working on one thing, noticing and responding to Bids for Connection.
Episode: I Can't Give You a Child
Esther Perel was mentioned as the author of 'Mating in Captivity'. This book was brought up in the podcast, and she was described as the author of it, and the book was described as the 'State of Affairs'.
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Esther Perel is the author of mating and captivity in the state of affairs.
Episode: Motherless Women
The book 'Mating in Captivity' by Esther Perel was mentioned as a work by the podcast host.
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating and Captivity in the State of Affairs.
Episode: Sexlessness
It was mentioned as a book by Esther Perel, the podcast host, on the subject of relationships.
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Esther Perel is the author of mating and captivity in the state of affairs.
Episode: Tell Me I'm Not Alone
Esther Perel is the author of "Mating in Captivity", which was mentioned as a book written by her.
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating and Captivity in the State of Affairs.
Episode: The Addict
Esther Perel is the author of "Mating in Captivity", which was mentioned in the context of her being a relationship therapist and author.
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating in Captivity and the State of Affairs.
Episode: I've Had Better
Esther Perel, a renowned couples therapist, mentioned "Mating in Captivity" as one of her books. It was mentioned in conjunction with her other book, "The State of Affairs", and her podcast, "Where Should We Begin?"
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating in Captivity in the State of Affairs.
Episode: Love In War with Esther Perel: Ukraine
Esther Perel, the host of the podcast, is the author of the book 'Mating in Captivity'. The book was mentioned in the context of Perel's expertise in relationships and her ability to provide guidance to couples facing difficulties.
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating in Captivity and the State of Affairs.
Episode: We Started As An Affair
The book Mating in Captivity was mentioned as one of the books authored by Esther Perel.
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating in Captivity and the State of Affairs and also the host of the podcast How's Work?
Episode: My Orgasm Is Not Just For Me
Esther Perel was mentioned as the author of this book, though the book itself was not directly discussed.
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Estera Perel is the author of Mating in Captivity and the State of Affairs and also the host of the podcast, How's Work?
Episode: Twice Married, To Each Other
Esther Perel is the author of this book, and she's also the host of the podcast How's Work?
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating in Captivity and the State of Affairs, and also the host of the podcast, How's Work?
Episode: I Can Be Strong and Be Taken Care Of
Esther Perel is the author of the book Mating in Captivity, which was mentioned in the podcast episode.
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Estera Perel is the author of Mating in Captivity and the State of Affairs and also the host of the podcast, How's Work?
Episode: I Don't Mean to Be Mean, But...
Esther Perel was mentioned as the author of this book during the podcast. The podcast's host, Esther Perel, gave advice based on her expertise and experience.
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating in Captivity and the State of Affairs and also the host of the podcast, How's Work?
Episode: Where Are They Now - A Romantic Revival
The book was mentioned as a work written by the host of the podcast, Esther Perel.
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs
Episode: Friendship - My Reliable Gift
Esther Perel is the author of the book "Mating in Captivity", which was mentioned as a book she has written.
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Esther Perel is the author of mating and captivity and the state of affairs and also the host of the podcast housework
Episode: Trapped in Their Own Story
Esther Perel's book "Mating in Captivity" was mentioned by name as being one of her books. The podcast host recommended listeners check out the show notes for more information about the podcast.
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating in Captivity and the State of Affairs and also the host of the podcast, How's Work?
Episode: When I'm Manic I Cheat
The book, "Mating in Captivity" by Esther Perel, was mentioned as being one of her works.
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs and also the host of the podcast How's Work?
Episode: In This Relationship What Is "I" and What Is "We"?
Esther Perel is the author of this book, which was mentioned as a topic of discussion.
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating in Captivity and the State of Affairs
Episode: You Want Me To Watch The Kids While You Go Out Wit...
The book "Mating in Captivity" was mentioned in the context of Esther Perel's exploration of the nature of erotic desire in long-term relationships.
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When I wrote "Mating in Captivity" there were a number of questions that guided my entire exploration on the nature of erotic desire in long-term relationships.
Episode: What Would It Take For You to Come Out?
Esther Perel, the podcast host, is the author of the book, "Mating in Captivity", which explores the dynamics of long-term relationships.
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating in Captivity and the State of Affairs, and also the host of the podcast, How's Work?
Episode: Couples Under Lockdown: Lagos, Nigeria
Esther Perel is the author of the book 'Mating in Captivity' which was mentioned during the discussion of the couple's relationship struggles. Perel's work on relationships was referenced as a point of comparison for the couple's situation.
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs She's also the host of the podcast How's Work Where Should We Begin beginning June 18th
Episode: Couples Under Lockdown: New York, New York
Esther Perel is the author of this book, which was mentioned in the context of discussing couples therapy and the idea of long-term relationships.
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs and also the host of the podcast Hell's Work.
Episode: I've Had 100 Conversations with You in My Head
The author, Esther Perel, mentions this book as one of her works, but does not elaborate further on its content.
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating in Captivity, Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, and her new book, The State of Affairs, Rethinking Infidelity.
Episode: Speak to Me in French
The author, Esther Perel, mentioned her book "Mating in Captivity" as being available on Audible.
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating in Captivity, Unlocking Erotic Intelligence.
Episode: The Arc of Love - A Small Town Affair
Esther Perel is the author of "Mating in Captivity" and "The State of Affairs".
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating in Captivity and Captivity in the State of Affairs.
Episode: The Arc of Love - The Other Woman
Esther Perel, the host of the podcast, is the author of this book.
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Esther Perel is the author of Mating and Captivity in the State of Affairs.
Episode: The Arc of Love - A Romantic Revival
Esther Perel, the podcast host, was mentioned as the author of 'Mating in Captivity' and 'The State of Affairs'.
"
Esther Perel is the author of Mating and Captivity in the State of Affairs.
The hosts repeatedly highlighted the book as one of Esther Perel’s best‑selling works that they had read and discussed in previous episodes. Alex Cooper noted that it served as a form of free therapy, offering eye‑opening ideas about keeping desire alive in long‑term relationships while balancing safety and excitement, and she expressed feeling emotionally moved by its concepts. The overall tone was enthusiastic and supportive, positioning the title as a highly recommended read for listeners.
Highly Recommended
Episode: Esther Perel (Cheating 101)
It was mentioned as one of Esther Perel's best-selling books, and Alex Cooper had previously read it before reading The State of Affairs.
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She has authored two best-selling books Mating in Captivity And the book that we are here to talk about today The State of Affairs
I've read Mating in Captivity And now I'm reading The State of Affairs
Episode: Sister Talk
It was discussed in a past episode, where the first few chapters were read, and was described as offering free therapy and drugs for all.
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I read her book Mating in Captivity but Esther is a psychotherapist.
We did like the first couple chapters.
If you guys want to go back and listen to that it was free therapy and drugs for all.
Episode: SOS I've been Friend Zoned
It was mentioned positively as a book that was moving mountains and that the speaker felt emotionally moved by it.
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Like I said the other week esther perrell. She's really moving mountains over here people.
Okay, i'm feeling in my feels every time I read that book
Episode: Free Therapy and Drugs for All
The podcast hosts discussed the book's premise, which explored the possibility of maintaining desire in long-term relationships while balancing passion and stability, and related their personal experiences to the concepts introduced.
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So we figured why not throw a little fucking Esther Perel in here and really raise the level of Education on this podcast today daddy gang you're currently joining Lauren and I in book club.
It's called mating captivity and it is actually pretty eye-opening as delirious as we are It's pretty amazing and so we wanted to talk about some of it and just discuss it because we have nothing else to talk about We've already told you all our secrets.
Here is the premise of the book in this book Esther Perel set out to quote know if it's possible to keep desire alive in a long-term relationship to avoid its usual where and
She wants to know how or if you can hold on to that sense of aliveness and excitement and relationships When you look at dating We are essentially walking contradictions When you are single and you start to date You're looking essentially at some point for safety and predictability and stability but once you get that you start to crave the novelty and the change and the diversity and the Instability and so basically Esther is like can you keep passion alive?
While having a relationship that's safe and predictable which everyone wants while also pursuing a relationship that is exciting Mysterious and all inspiring in quote.
Episode: Esther Perel: Cheating 101 (FBF)
The book was mentioned as one of two bestselling books authored by Esther Perel; the speaker had read it and was currently reading "The State of Affairs".
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I've read Mating in Captivity and now I'm reading The State of Affairs, a whole book on cheating.
Esther Perel is a psychotherapist and bestselling author. She has a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her TED talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her books, *Mating in Captivity* and *The State of Affairs*, are huge bestsellers.
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Her TED talks have more than 40 million views and her books, mating in captivity and the state of affairs are huge bestsellers.
— Episode: Esther Perel on the One Thing That Will...
Episode: Esther Perel on the One Thing That Will Improve th...
Esther Perel is a psychotherapist and bestselling author. She has a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her TED talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her books, *Mating in Captivity* and *The State of Affairs*, are huge bestsellers.
"
Her TED talks have more than 40 million views and her books, mating in captivity and the state of affairs are huge bestsellers.
Episode: Love In War | Esther Perel
This book was mentioned as one of the titles written by Esther Perel, who is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author.
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Esther Perel is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of many books, including Mating In Captivity.
Episode: How to Keep Friendships From Imploding | Esther Pe...
This book was mentioned in the introduction as one of the New York Times bestselling books written by the guest, Esther Perel.
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New York Times bestselling author of books such as Mating in Captivity.
Episode: Love in the Time of COVID | Esther Perel
The book was mentioned as being a bestselling work by Esther Perel with an 'awesomely-entitled' title.
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She's also the author of the awesomely-entitled, bestselling book Mating in Captivity.
The hosts praised the book as amazing and highlighted its relevance to relationships and personal growth. They recommended listeners read it for relationship advice, especially for navigating dilemmas. Overall, the book was presented as a valuable resource.
Highly Recommended
Episode: Esther Perel asks about younger selves
The hosts praised the book as amazing and highlighted its relevance to relationships and personal growth.
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author and podcast host known for her book, mating in captivity, which is amazing.
Episode: Esther Perel asks about younger selves
The hosts praised the book, noting it was amazing and recommending listeners to read it, especially for relationship advice.
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an acclaimed psychotherapist author and podcast host known for her book mating and captivity
which is amazing if you're having the sailor dilemma you got to read that book
It explores how people connect with a sense of aliveness and vitality, which is described as a mystical and spiritual experience beyond the scope of sexuality. The author's personal experiences with her family's history as Holocaust survivors informed her perspective on the subject.
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And the people who came back to life really in some sense had less survivor guilt sometimes or had suffered differently or were able to reconnect with a certain fervor that basically said, I'm not her...
— Episode: Esther Perel – The Erotic Is an Antidote...
Episode: Esther Perel – The Erotic Is an Antidote to Death
It explores how people connect with a sense of aliveness and vitality, which is described as a mystical and spiritual experience beyond the scope of sexuality. The author's personal experiences with her family's history as Holocaust survivors informed her perspective on the subject.
"
And the people who came back to life really in some sense had less survivor guilt sometimes or had suffered differently or were able to reconnect with a certain fervor that basically said, I'm not here for nothing. I'm going to make the best of it. And they understood the erotic as an antidote to death.
My book and my work is about eroticism. It is about how people connect to this quality of aliveness, of vibrancy, of vitality, of renewal. And that is way beyond the description of sexuality. And it is mystical. It is actually a spiritual, mystical experience of life. It is a transcendent experience of life because it is an act of the imagination.
Episode: [Unedited] Esther Perel with Krista Tippett
It was discussed that the book's focus is on eroticism, not just sexuality, and how it relates to human aliveness and vitality, especially in the face of adversity. The author's personal experiences with trauma and survival heavily influenced its themes.
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And the people who came back to life really in some sense had less survivor guilt sometimes and they suffered differently or were able to reconnect with a certain fervor that basically said, I'm not here for nothing. I'm going to make the best of it.
And from that moment, I began to actually think my book is not about sexuality. My book and my work is about eroticism.
It is about how people connect to this quality of aliveness, of vibrancy, of vitality, of renewal. And that is way beyond the description of sexuality.
Much, much, much later. It came in a very roundabout way where I was talking with my husband, Jack Saul, about his work with torture survivors and asking him, what's the process and how do you know when a person comes back and what kind of coming back does a person do after they have been in solitary confinement for years or away, dislocated, etc.?
The book redefines infidelity, asking who owns our erotic self and whether we give ownership of it to our partners when we enter a monogamous relationship. It is a book about redefining infidelity and how as a society we have been conditioned to think of it as bad.
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There's this woman by the name of Esther Perel. She's a psychiatrist. She wrote a book called Mating and Captivity.
— Episode: Ep 378: Preach & Jing Jong @AbaNPreach
Episode: Ep 378: Preach & Jing Jong @AbaNPreach
The book redefines infidelity, asking who owns our erotic self and whether we give ownership of it to our partners when we enter a monogamous relationship. It is a book about redefining infidelity and how as a society we have been conditioned to think of it as bad.
"
There's this woman by the name of Esther Perel. She's a psychiatrist. She wrote a book called Mating and Captivity.
And her thing is like how redefining infidelity and how as a society we've been like, no, no, bad, bad, bad, bad.
But she basically is like, you know, who owns our erotic self? Like, do we give ownership when we enter like a monogamy with someone?
Do they own every aspect of that, every aspect of us, even like our erotic self?
And so basically in it, she talks about it's hard to kind of figure out like what infidelity is because so many people have different definitions of it. So I want to go through a list with you guys and you tell me if it's cheating or not.
Note: The book recommendations on this page are discovered automatically from podcast transcripts, and may be incorrect or incomplete.
