Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang

And a lot of Eastern philosophies. I can't go as far as 'your enemy is your teacher'. No, Tucker Carlson's not my teacher.

As much as I love Jiddu Krishnamurti and I do. And that was another seminal book, 'Awakening Intelligence' for me. And a lot of Eastern philosophies. I can't go as far as your enemy is your teacher.

And it's very heady and wonderful. Like this three hour cantata oratorio sort of thing.

for the, this is the songs of Innocence and have experienced William Blake, we put to music.

We won seven for best classical album of 2005.

So it's still, you know, it's there for me. It's there. I just haven't bothered to do it.

for the, this is the songs of Innocence and have experienced William Blake, we put to music.

It's about friends who wait am I explaining this correctly? It's told backwards.

I got used to a world in which get out and Lady Bird were going to get nominated and I got used to a world where the two of them could be directing nominees and I was a little bored with the nominations because there was no big fun shake-up nominee like Tiffany Haddish or something like I wanted something crazy like that yeah

the fact that Get Out got nominated for Best Picture which literally six months ago would have been the gag of the year.

That movie like hit me hard.

I immediately called my mom and started a fight with her. I just immediately called my mom and was like we're going to fight for a while.

It was fascinating because like nobody ever talked about sacramento ever and then other people comes out which is like very say in sacramento and then Lady Bird which is even more sacramento and that Greta Gerwig's reading of sacramento is so deeply rooted in Joan Diddy and is like the smartest thing ever.

Well later on we'll might regale us with a story, I have a good one for us, okay really, we'll get we'll get we tell us now, is it okay, wait, are you gonna finish the point, no, I guess no, we don't derail Michelle really, no it's fine, well tell us, okay so uh so as as you all now know my name is will Smith and something very strange happened to me recently where the famous will Smith who is making a new movie for Netflix called Bright, Bright yes, he gets on where it's a buddy cop film where his cop with his buddy is a fairy, he's an orc, an orc, yes, it's kind of like bad boys meets like Dungeons and Dragons races or something, it's a Netflix movie yeah, that was dark to me, hey, but they spent 90 million dollars in this movie so it wasn't 90 million, so it wasn't exactly dark, it was a well right, how are we not getting this Netflix money every day, I asked, well there's more money where that came from yeah, so this shit gets really weird uh so he gets on the social medias and says will smith, will smith the famous one, he gets on the social medias and says hey guys, I'm doing this new movie for Netflix and they want me to do all this promotional material and it's too much stuff and I can't handle it all so I need everyone whose name is will smith to get in touch with us below and I'm like it's on because my entire life literally my entire life has been a series of bad will Smith jokes so I email them or I get in touch on Twitter and they asked me to send them an email, Netflix does so I email them, we go back and forth a couple of times and they say hey, send us a short video with some fun facts about yourself, so I do and I challenged the famous will smith to a duel in the video because you know, this all these bad jokes, I have to defend my honor, there can be only one, you would kill him etc, I mean I don't know if I would actually kill him, you know, you might like do the the honorable gentleman thing and shoot into the air or whatever, whatever anyway, can I just interrupt by saying you really are going somewhere with us and I'm respecting it, I know this is a good story, I mean I know this is one of the weirdest things that's ever happened to me, I've never met you and it's not what I was expecting, I'm just gonna always speaks with intention unlike unlike us, yes, unlike us, every word is a marble carved statue, yes, is a cobblestone that leads somewhere, yes okay, oh my, they get back to me after I send the video in and they say hey we really like that and we want to talk to you more about it but uh, you need to sign this release form so I signed the release, big mistake uh, it wasn't really because they invited me to the premiere of Brighton LA and they flew me out and put me up for the premiere that looks money, they said you're going to be walking down the red carpet with many other will smiths including the famous will smith, oh my god, this turned out to be like 30 to 50 will smiths, oh my god, the famous one, oh my god, all of us staying in the same hotel and all of us going to the same event and it was totally bizarre, that's not funny, it was hilarious, this was like a few days ago what, yeah, this is a hot breaking press story, my picture was on jimmy kimmel yeah, it was pretty weird, wait, did you meet will, I did, I got to shake his hand, but there were so many of us and I didn't even talk to him and then he ran off and then they put all the will smiths in a separate theater for the premiere, yes, they did, they put us in a separate theater wow, and the after party which is funny because they had at first like shoehorned us into the VIP after party area when we were getting ready to like go out and you know meet famous will smith on the on the red carpet and they shepherded us into the VIP red carpet area or red VIP party area and afterward, the after party, we didn't even go to that one, they had a separate one for all of the will smiths, I guess that's not to me was infuriating because you know I am an audio engineer and I wanted to talk to people from Netflix about all their original content audio for post all this kind of stuff, you know what it says to me, they did not run criminal background checks on all the will smiths and they couldn't risk it, there that was too expensive, like we're just oh my god, where would you rank yourself in the attractiveness of the will smiths invited, well that depends on my self-worth on any given, you are will's very attractive, well that's why i'm asking, otherwise I'd be able to rank me in relation to I don't know what the other will smiths look like, but I'd say you're up there, can you bring can you pull up a picture of the, I can't pull up the picture, I actually am so curious, I met will smith once many many moons ago, my very first job out of only about two years ago, but my first job out of college many moons oh wait here they are oh my god, there's too many wow, yeah, there were a lot of us, this looks like a white like a disgusting frat like oh my god, they told us cocktail attire so everyone wore some tacky suit, I have to tell you something, 90 percent of these ones are true monsters, I don't see where you here, I'm on the right side, not looking at the camera, is this you because yeah oh, you look very handsome, rock and roll honestly, I'm like I'm not hitting on you, top three hottest, top three hot, I really mean that, but well, I feel like it was all such a transparent marketing ploy moment thing, but also like so masturbatory, a I like it, why this movie, why did will smith choose this movie to do this, I don't know, I mean he must have, this must have been on his mind for a long time, I mean how many of us can there be, thousands right, I'm going to change my name to Jada pink it's myth or when she does it, not funny, you mentioned it, there was another will smith from New York who is the he was the manager for the Yankees little or the Yankees minor league team oh, who had a wife named Jada, that's crazy, that is not yeah, they were like totaled like New Jersey, New York, what's the what is the deal with those two, will and Jada yeah, David cabbage don't find out, wait, tell us about this about your thing so I heard they escaped Scientology by the way, but you go all right okay, but if anyone really does, but I guess yeah, well I mean we'll get to their deal in a minute, basically I was working the sci-fi channel waiting for people to be impressed, wow, my first job at a college also first job I ever outfired from about two months later, but my last for doing nothing like literally, but also like I didn't do anything wrong, but I also didn't do anything because no one taught me what to do and then I was literally like William Shatner recall and I would be like I don't know how to help you at all right, sorry and they were like you need to go, but anyways I did get a free trip to LA out of it and we were staying at the Ritz Carlton in Pasadena which now is the Langham and there was uh, I think Sugar Ray was getting married like the weekend it was for the TCA whatever it is and and so he was the best man and he was in a will was the best man to yes, after Ali oh oh Sugar right, we both mark my graph right, but mark my graph no no no no sugar Ray I got so am really laughing yeah sugar ray and there were no condoms and everybody was like we want condoms oh my god no so he was walking at the steps now this is all these girls that I worked with and he was so gorgeous I have to say I mean he's gorgeous like he's oh yeah and he's fucking beautiful, beautiful, beautiful and um and he went so charming he went good morning, good morning to all of us oh well and literally we stood there not one of us said a word yeah, we didn't say anything, I've never had that happen and he kept walking and then we fully it was like in love actually when Laura Linney makes out with the model we were like stomping our feet and then I called my mom right later and I was like mommy Mel Smith and like we didn't say and you know it's like oh my god it was so great and then we didn't say anything because we were so like terrified and she went oh so what he he shits like you he shits like you so what oh my god she can't impress her can I do this please do and that's oh no but that's that Floridian mom and can I say Jewish Israeli mom speaking no it's great I will later, I want you to do the monologue from Six Degrees of Separation if you know what, really make my next such a good book.

I will later I want you to do the monologue from Six Degrees of Separation if you know what really make my next such a good book

what the fuck's a pat that's not even in any kind of Betty Crocker book of measurement

what the fuck's a pat that's not even in any kind of Betty Crocker book of measurement

Or you can listen to his amazing best-selling comedy album, Model Minority.

His album is coming out model minority.

It is so good.

I was reading Brett Easton Ellis, I was reading American Psycho and Glamorama and I... ripped off of Brett Easton Ellis's horror as a writer.

It's called Three Billboards in Ebbing, Missouri to Francis McDormand movie. It looks great.

And apparently it's really moving.

Did you hear what won the audience award? This is actually kind of interesting. What? What did? It's called Three Billboards in Eving, Missouri to Francis McDormand movie. It looks great.

In Bruges.

Written by Martin McDonough. And apparently it's really moving. Martin McDonough wrote what else? In Bruges. Oh yes, yes, yes, yes.

And then she paragraph breaks into just a one line paragraph after that just says I'm really asking she goes I'm at a loss and it was just like I was at the gym when I heard I'm listening on audiobook and I had to put the weights down oh my gosh and take a lap because it was so sad, it makes me so fucking sad

it's like always the pull quote is oh look wow Hillary really stuck in the past still blaming Bernie fucking read the book it is not about Bernie this book is not about Bernie the library's open check out a card and check out the book I don't have time for your fucking bullshit

she spends maybe I'm halfway through it but from what I've read there's lines that are about Bernie and about you know the rightful ways in which she contributed to her loss not that he wasn't entitled to say whatever the fuck he wants to say and campaign however he wants but she's also entitled to write this book

the book is called What Happened so she's telling you What Happened and one of the things that happened was they were in conflict and it made her look bad and had he become the nominee he probably wouldn't have won either because there would have been all the fuckery that happened with Russia anyway so it's just like get over it

she just has this whole paragraph where she asks these questions like why am I seen as a divisive figure but Joe Biden and Bernie aren't why am I seen as this person but these people aren't like why am I like caustic but these people aren't

the book is called What Happened so she's telling you What Happened and one of the things that happened was they were in conflict and it made her look bad and had he become the nominee he probably wouldn't have won either because there would have been all the fuckery that happened with Russia anyway so it's just like get over it

she just has this whole paragraph where she asks these questions like why am I seen as a divisive figure but Joe Biden and Bernie aren't why am I seen as this person but these people aren't like why am I like caustic but these people aren't

and then she paragraph breaks into just a one line paragraph after that just says I'm really asking she goes I'm at a loss

she's not blaming him she's saying this is how divided we are and this is what he believed and what I believed and why I believe that was a problem for all of us coming together stronger together

it's like always the pull quote is oh look wow Hillary really stuck in the past still blaming Bernie fucking read the book it is not about Bernie this book is not about Bernie

Today, buy our guest Ruby Karp and this book is in stores on October 3rd. You can pre-order now, honey.

Stolen a lot of wisdom in the book and a lot of really very cool people have read this book and given amazing like just quote quotes on it.

And all the other sheers. The Sushier and Paul Sheer.

Earth Hates Me so originally the book was titled Bratty which is my mom's nickname for me uh growing up but then in one of my chapters I write and in the heartbreak chapter I was like sometimes I wake up and I feel like the Earth Hates Me because everyone hates me going on some stupid rant and then the woman who is the book cover designer was reading through the book to get a sense of the book so that she could figure out what the design was going to be and she was like hey I know you like the title you came up with but what do you think of Earth Hates Me it was a line in one of your chapters and I really think it's funny yeah and I was like oh my god that is so my book it's self-deprecating which is exactly my humor and basically is the whole book and also it's exactly what every teenager feels like.

Earth Hates Me true confessions from a teenage girl it is super great and I think it's really really cool to like you said hear a perspective from someone that is your age on this stuff and it's nice to check in and understand that like you know they're having the discussions too about what it means to be what the word cisgendered means right you know what I mean like these things aren't just exclusive to I think in the millennial generation we get kind of wrapped up in ourselves these aren't conversations that we're only having it's a worldwide discussion and it's super exciting and the book is awesome

And also I want to say Ruby is the host of We Hope You Have Fun. It's a stand up storytelling show at The Beast every month. It's the second Monday of every month and the next one is in October 9th.

Today, buy our guest Ruby Karp and this book is in stores on October 3rd. You can pre-order now, honey.

Stolen a lot of wisdom in the book and a lot of really very cool people have read this book and given amazing like just quote quotes on it.

Earth Hates Me so originally the book was titled Bratty which is my mom's nickname for me uh growing up but then in one of my chapters I write and in the heartbreak chapter I was like sometimes I wake up and I feel like the Earth Hates Me because everyone hates me going on some stupid rant and then the woman who is the book cover designer was reading through the book to get a sense of the book so that she could figure out what the design was going to be and she was like hey I know you like the title you came up with but what do you think of Earth Hates Me it was a line in one of your chapters and I really think it's funny yeah and I was like oh my god that is so my book it's self-deprecating which is exactly my humor and basically is the whole book and also it's exactly what every teenager feels like oh yeah but it's so funny and specific to that sentiment at that age and I think I think it's an have to title thank you.

Earth Hates Me true confessions from a teenage girl it is super great and I think it's really really cool to like you said hear a perspective from someone that is your age on this stuff and it's nice to check in and understand that like you know they're having the discussions too about what it means to be what the word cisgendered means right you know what I mean like these things aren't just exclusive to I think in the millennial generation we get kind of wrapped up in ourselves these aren't conversations that we're only having it's a worldwide discussion and it's super exciting and the book is awesome

The book is... I've never read the book. You gotta read the book. You gotta see the show. It's part of just the feminist. It's just it's part of the meat.

Yeah and it's all these letters that she wrote to this. To this guy that she was obsessed with. And the show is great. Like it's so stylized.

Oh. Oh. Good. Catherine hon. Yeah she's so good. She's incredible. And Kevin Bacon is amazing. The whole thing is.

The book is... I've never read the book. You gotta read the book. You gotta see the show.

It's part of just the feminist... It's just it's part of the meat.

Yeah staple that thank you. That's great.

Orlando tea by Virginia Woolf

there is Orlando tea by Virginia Woolf...Orlando tea, she killed herself shortly after writing...yes, yes, that was her last...that she never published until now...so listen as you know I love to deliver the Orlando tea, the Orlando truth, the Orlando gossip...

one of the book writers wrote a book called Song of Spider-Man where he's talking about Song of Spider-Man all this promise and how it snowballed into this nightmare

one of the things was, oh yeah we built this huge set piece that, um, pretty nicely snugly fits right over, um, the main speaker, I hope you're cool with it everyone

...and then the day after I saw "Glass Menagerie" with...

...you just know to you realize that like oh stage acting is very different is very different.

...I would I would pay good money to Cherry...

Yeah, it was um, you know, Tennessee Williams is so stylized and it's so like It's like poetry, right? And so this production is very like Like modern and

I don't think so honey minimalism, right? I don't think so honey. I paid to see a Broadway show

There's this composer and French composer named Camille, I always miss perhaps the second name, last name, Seisar.

The first time I ever owned was Carnival of the Animals by like the Philadelphia Philharmonic, I think led by Marvin Hamlisch.

there's this composer and French composer named Camille I always miss perhaps the second name last name Seisar it's it looks like it looks like Saint Saint yeah him he wrote this piece of music called Carnival of the Animals and each piece is supposed to sound like an animal you might see at the zoo like a lion or an elephant

first time I ever owned was Carnival of the Animals by like the Philadelphia Philharmonic I think led by Marvin Hamlisch or that's Pittsburgh no Pittsburgh oh and he was the pops conductor

also there's one piece from it called The Aquarium which is supposed to sound like fish and Ellen Menken totally was inspired by that for the beauty and the B-score you know the you know that piece like when the rose is like oh yes yes yes yeah like listen to the aquarium from Carnival of the Animals they're almost exactly the same

It's called How to Win at Feminism. Guys get it today. It's such a fantastic book.

It's called How to Win a Feminism. Guys get it today. It's such a fantastic book.

You may have read the book girl. Oh, you may have read the book. You may have picked it up at your Barnes and Noble. You may have shopped for it online.