The Gift of Fear Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

It reminds me of the book that we talk about all the time, The Gift of Fear.

Like what an amazing time to like tune into and listen to that gift.

Yeah, what Gavin DeBecker calls the gift of fear, right? I will recommend that book until I'm blue in the face but yes, that is what Kazu is feeling.

He also made sure I read The Gift of Fear, which is a book I recommend everyone read at some point.

I'll just promote his book, The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker is a really good book to read to learn about perpetrator techniques so you can better guard yourself against them.

Oprah once said it was the most important book she ever read. I feel 100 percent the same.

Everyone should read this. Young women, young men, older women and men. It's it is a survival guide to just being a human on this earth where there are predators in more pockets than you'd think.

In Gift of Fear, I talk about the fact that people don't just snap.

I'm not aware of cases that occur, including in sociopathic people without pre-incident indicators.

It's about how fear is a gift, that intuition, that sort of that the hairs on the back of your neck rising up when you see somebody listen to them, listen to that.

Gavin DeBecker, one of the world's leading security experts in the gift of fear, calls it a brilliant internal guardian that stands ready to warn you of hazards and guide you through risky situations.

there's a great book called fear is a gift and there was a gift of fear and there is there is a beauty in it because it kind of does shake you up a little bit oh my gosh am I late uh and then you're able to say okay what changes do we need to make for this not to be a reality

You ever read the gift of fear? Gavin De Becker book really great book it was published like 30 years ago or something I think Oprah made it quite a big deal and uh it's about it's by a um I think he used to be a body guard he's like a personal security expert and he tells all these stories it's mostly about women and maybe this applies to men too um where women basically ended up getting um attacked by men who they did actually have bad vibes about in some way but they ignored those and it cost them right and his argument is that um fear is a gift and that you should listen to your instincts because often again highly you know very uh evolved to be very very attuned these instincts right there's a reason why we are descended from people who listen to their instincts in this regard um and often your unconscious will spot things that your conscious brain hasn't spotted and maybe you'll be worried about being impolite or being weird or whatever you know so I can't remember all of the stories but I remember there's one of a woman who a man offered to help her carry her shopping up to her flat and he was really insistent about it and she was like okay so she let him and then as soon as he was in the flat he shut the door and attacked her and she was lucky to survive she she said later that it was weird he like he didn't feel like he was just being nice she got she got bad vibes from him she got the ick whatever there was something like going on but her conscious brain said he's just being nice and so she ignored her instincts and she let him into her flat and that's the sort of example where actually I think that our unconscious brains know are actually very wise about a lot of these things

I read a book called The Gift and it's really about how to use money. The purpose of money is to keep it in circulation, not to stow it away.

In Gavin DeBecker's book, The Gift of Fear, he writes, Unlike when people lived in small communities and could not escape their past behavior, we live in an age of anonymous one-time encounters, and many people have become expert at the art of fast persuasion.

there's a book that I have my operators read called the gift of fear.

Everybody read the book that we mentioned frequently a few years back, The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. The idea of intuition there.

If you are looking for a book to teach you more about intuition, please, please, please read The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker.

We've mentioned it in the past. It came out in 1997. So I guess it's relatively new in the grand scheme.

But the idea here is this guy, DeBecker, looked through the notion of intuition, the idea that you have a hunch like Noel, for instance. Have you ever met someone and had a really good or really bad vibe off them that you couldn't explain consciously?

It is very much worth your time Regardless of who you are. It is just filled with bangers after bangers ice cold bars this guy has

It has two big words gift and fear it overwhelmingly focuses on intuition as a means of safety and harm prevention and survival

I think it's interesting too that fear is the key word in that title because I mean a lot of the stuff Goes back to you know, just animalistic instincts

We owe a lot of this to an author named gavin de becker who wrote the gift of fear

pre-incident indicators Okay, that was sexy as acronym, but it gets the job done and what is a pin you might ask

It reminds me of this excellent book called The Gift of Fear, which I highly recommend, which essentially the argument is that your unconscious mind picks up a lot of things that your conscious mind might miss. And when you get a bad vibe or you get a strange feeling, that could be your some other part of your mind saying, hey, you and the forebrain pay attention to this.

which is why I highly recommend a book called The Gift of Fear by a guy named Gavin DeBecca.

It's the full title is The Gift of Fear, Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence.

It is very much worth your time Regardless of who you are.

It is just filled with bangers after bangers ice cold bars this guy has

It has two big words gift and fear

fear fear

I think it's interesting too that fear is the key word in that title because I mean a lot of the stuff Goes back to you know, just animalistic Instincts, you know, I mean if you are threatened then you're going to be in a heightened state of awareness and you're going to be Kind of keyed up to to lock in on some of these non-verbal cues a threatening stance perhaps

It reminds me of this excellent book called The Gift of Fear, which I highly recommend, which essentially the argument is that your unconscious mind picks up a lot of things that your conscious mind might miss.

which is why I highly recommend a book called The Gift of Fear by a guy named Gavin DeBecca.

It's the full title is The Gift of Fear, Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence.

It reminds me of this excellent book called The Gift of Fear, which I highly recommend, which essentially the argument is that your unconscious mind picks up a lot of things that your conscious mind might miss.

which is why I highly recommend a book called The Gift of Fear by a guy named Gavin DeBecca.

It's the full title is The Gift of Fear, Survival Signals that Protect Us from Violence.

Gavin DeBecker put it best in his book The Gift of Fear. Intuition is always right in at least two important ways. It is always in response to something and it always has your best interest at heart.

A line from Gavin DeBecca's book "The Gift of Fear" puts it best that at some point a domestic violence victim becomes a domestic violence volunteer.

The ways we often collude consciously or unconsciously with predators usually by ignoring our intuition, discounting the numerous alarm bells that go off early on with somebody dangerous.

I imagine Gavin gets a decent amount of flak for saying stuff like that because it sounds like victim blaming.

I've read his book, interviewed him here on the show. I've walked away with a totally different reading of that. I don't see this as victim blaming, I actually see it as victim empowering.

What Gavin's trying to do here is push people and he can be a little bit tough about this sometimes. I know it comes from a place of actually caring about this. He's pushing people to recognize how much agency they do have and how we still have a personal responsibility to protect ourselves from people who want to harm us.

I only realized a decade and a half later when reading the book they give to fear that that was you.

We did an episode with Gavin Debecker who wrote The Gift of Fear and one of the things that he taught me in the 90s that he writes about in some of his books is never go to the secondary location.

I always reference this book The Gift of Fear it is absolutely one of the best books that I've ever read and he is spot on in terms of telling you how to handle these situations.

Gavin's been head of security for folks like Oprah, Jeff Bezos, one of the world's most respected people in the security industry globally. He's also the author of The Gift of Fear. This book is tremendously popular.

This show morphed into a sort of a toolbox for safety here on The Jordan Harbanger Show, send it to everyone you care about.

Links to everything he's done will be in the website in the show notes, of course, including the book The Gift of Fear.

If you buy the book, it does help support the show.

There's so much here in the book as well. A lot of practical exercises about asking yourself what your anxiety is hiding using the gift of fear might have to have you come back at some point as well.

Gavin is also the author of The Gift of Fear which is simply amazing and extremely popular book for the past few decades on the subject of fear, why fear exists and how we can use it as a tool instead of just being afraid of it or avoiding it.

I noticed in the books there's a little factoid here that I thought was fascinating dogs are really great at reading us and every dog owner knows this but they don't have better intuition that reads other people they're just really good at reading us we're just really really bad at reading ourselves.

It was easier short term to go oh come on what are the odds that this is going to happen especially given and this occurred to me years and years later you're only really basing your actions on your previous experience so if you've never been kidnapped chopped up and murdered you think well the odds are pretty slim it's never happened to me before and I've been on this planet for 20 years.

well it's never happened to me before so I can feel safer ignoring this because I don't have an experience that says anything contrary to it however there was a point at which my brain said remember that guy and Oprah oh yeah that's what's happening right now knucklehead get with the program.

big thank you to Gavin the book title is the gift of fear links to everything he does will be on our website in the show notes by the way if you buy books please use our website links if you buy books it does help support the show also in the show notes there are worksheets for each and every episode so you can review what you've learned here today from Gavin we also now have transcripts for each episode and those can be found in the show notes as well.

We did an episode with Gavin Debecker who wrote The Gift of Fear and one of the things that he taught me in the 90s that he writes about in some of his books is never go to the secondary location which as you know is the place where they're going to take you because your best chance to stand and fight is right there and mulling to that Gavin Debecker episode in the show notes but that's essentially the concept that you're talking about is do not get taken if you get killed at the point at which they're trying to take you so be it it's probably better than the way you're going to get killed later after they take you.

and I always reference this book The Gift of Fear it is absolutely one of the best books that I've ever read and he is spot on in terms of telling you how to handle these situations and so it was like don't ever get taken absolutely not

This book is tremendously popular. It's just known as being a lifesaver for some people literally will dissect fear, why it exists, how we can use it as a tool instead of avoiding it.

And she later came to me and she said, what in the world made me feel uncomfortable about him when all I had heard was his voice.

And she said like an animal opening up inside me, it used its muscles to move me down the hall. And I had nothing to do with it. I was a passenger moving down that hallway.

And so she prevailed tremendously well through that and was not killed, obviously.

In the book, you use a classic example. The main story of this woman Kelly.

Gavin is also the author of The Gift of Fear which is simply amazing and extremely popular book for the past few decades on the subject of fear, why fear exists and how we can use it as a tool instead of just being afraid of it or avoiding it.

I only realized a decade and a half later when reading the book they gift of fear that that was you

Well Jordan I'm so glad to hear that story and that makes my day that means a lot to me particularly as I'm about to hear I hope how well you prevailed because I know we're here having the conversation so you did well

the big element of denial is that you can try to make it the way you wish it could be or the way you think it should be interestingly in that whole book if to fear I think the word should appears only twice and both times it's in a sentence with somebody else saying it I don't use the word at all in any prescriptive way such as you should do this or people should do that the word should always invites the question according to whom right

big thank you to Gavin the book title is the gift of fear links to everything he does will be on our website in the show notes by the way if you buy books please use our website links if you buy books it does help support the show

I remember examples in the gift of fear that some people will disappear after getting that one bit of response back but some people continue their obsession.

really the best thing you can do is stop all communications all of them nothing from you nothing direct nothing indirect just silence

and then I remembered some guy on Oprah in 1994 something like that when I was a kid sitting there with my mom who said never go to the secondary location and I only realized a decade and a half later when reading the book they give to fear that that was you

we did an episode with Gavin Debecker who wrote The Gift of Fear and one of the things that he taught me in the 90s that he writes about in some of his books is never go to the secondary location which as you know is the place where they're going to take you because your best chance to stand and fight is right there and mulling to that Gavin Debecker episode in the show notes but that's essentially the concept that you're talking about is do not get taken if you get killed at the point at which they're trying to take you so be it it's probably better than the way you're going to get killed later after they take you

and I always reference this book The Gift of Fear it is absolutely one of the best books that I've ever read and he is spot on in terms of telling you how to handle these situations and so it was like don't ever get taken absolutely not

This book is tremendously popular. It's just known as being a lifesaver for some people literally will dissect fear, why it exists, how we can use it as a tool instead of avoiding it.

She later came to me and she said, what in the world made me feel uncomfortable about him when all I had heard was his voice.

And she was lamenting that she didn't listen to that signal where she was immediately uncomfortable with the voice.

I'm quoting her and she said like an animal opening up inside me, it used its muscles to move me down the hall. And I had nothing to do with it. I was a passenger moving down that hallway.

Links to everything he's done will be in the website in the show notes, of course, including the book The Gift of Fear.

Gavin is also the author of The Gift of Fear which is simply amazing and extremely popular book for the past few decades on the subject of fear, why fear exists and how we can use it as a tool instead of just being afraid of it or avoiding it.

I noticed in the books there's a little factoid here that I thought was fascinating dogs are really great at reading us and every dog owner knows this but they don't have better intuition that reads other people they're just really good at reading us we're just really really bad at reading ourselves.

it seems like we've programmed or deprogrammed ourselves when it comes to listening to our intuition entirely and that's what leads us into a lot of trouble

You say in the book that the intuition process works it just doesn't work as well as the denial process which I assume the denial process is some combination of what you just mentioned PC rational thought manners social programming and things like that yes

the book title is the gift of fear links to everything he does will be on our website in the show notes by the way if you buy books please use our website links if you buy books it does help support the show also in the show notes there are worksheets for each and every episode so you can review what you've learned here today from Gavin

I remember examples in the gift of fear that some people will disappear after getting that one bit of response back but some people continue their obsession.