It was suggested that listeners read this book to better understand the harsh realities depicted in the later seasons of Orange Is The New Black, which was becoming more bleak.
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Yeah, I remember that sad scene happen and I had been watching all day and night and so the sun was coming up and at like five in the morning that happened. And I just bawled. Oh, God. That's bleak. Yeah, no. That was... The season is wild. Our friend Alan actually is the actor that played the... The back of a hard... The back of a hard. Alan Eisenberg. He's cute. He looks like a savage bro, right? Like one of the Freds. He's truly the nicest guy. No, but like the brothers. He looks like one of the savage brothers. Oh, one of the savage brothers. Oh my God, bitch. Yes. Right? A little? A cute little... Back in the day, I used to say I would hop on Fred Savage. He was like a most adorable little kid. I thought he was cute and the Macau. Oh, not talking about that. I'm talking about when he got older when he had the mole in Austin Powers. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I would hop on. He's cute. Who are your number one fuck crushes right now? Right now. Right now? I'm tough. I'm basic. Yeah, Matt's gonna say a white guy. I am, no. Shawn Mendes. Oh, not really. Not really. Okay, that's good. Yay! Oh, God. Matt's woke. I'm permissible. Oh, God. I don't have one right now. I don't really have a celeb crush. Actually, you know who I like pretty much always want to fuck, but I like rediscovered recently is Shawn Williams Scott. Oh yeah. I don't know if I want to say it. We can't say it. We can't say it, but I recently he came to mind for good reason. For good reason and he's, and you know, he was a sex symbol back in the Brittany era. Remember? For me, like number one was Shawn Williams Scott hottest dude. Really? Yeah. Okay. There's something about Stifler being like the emblem of toxic masculinity. Yeah. But like just, I don't know. The tortured abused boys in us are like, we want to stuff. I know, I know. We want to fuck a Stifler so bad. Yeah, I watch bad, bad porn because I do a lot of material about porn and I've been researching in like the baddest porn that's meanest. Most women watch it. It's the most viewed by women. So all like the rough ass gangbangs are like they don't care about women. It's like women are watching the gangbangs. Whenever I watch straight porn, I am always, it's always like rough. I don't know. I hate it. Damn you guys. Come on, Bowen. You are obsessed with being a woke, you're obsessed with your woke image. Now come forth and say that you watch really bad anal straight porn. Come forward and say you watch it. I don't. I truly don't. What porn do you watch? Get into it and be very real. Lately I've been like, I just, I'm researching and I'm fascinated by like group stuff and like three, like three at three enough. I'm just like, okay, what are the politics of play? There's so much going on. It's like, okay, how are these parents? How are these permutations happening? Why? How is the person being left out feeling it's there's so much going on. I've had one for some so fascinating. Really? I've never done anything. It was the best thing in my life. Really chasing that again and it will never. I don't know. Cause then I had, I had a threesome and it was bad, bad, bad before it was the perfect number. Well, I would have another three, but the foursome was like, I do a joke about this, but legit they were in the front row of a comedy show and the guy was so hot that I walked on stage. I was like, I'm not going to do my set. And then after the show, he came up to me and I was like, I'll be at this bar. It was at Caroline's. I was like, come meet me at Lily's. Oh my God. And so we met and then the four, there was like a girl and two guys. And then after we all had a drink, they were like, listen, we're not together. We're actually all here from out of town. We have a hotel room with Coke and Molly and we would love for you to come. And I was like, all right. Holy fucking shit. That's incredible. Have you ever had group sex? Um, oh God. But the politics are nice. What do you mean? Oh God. That means yes. Uh, recently and my fucking sister is going to listen to this. Who cares? Yeah, grow up. These people on these people on Grindr are like, hey, we have this like monthly like meetup of like all Asian dudes. And I was like, great. Hell yeah. This was it was like this is the most pathetic thing I've ever been a part of. Well, that's still be continued. It was that might be a whole page right now. This is okay. This is this is all you need to know. I walk in and everyone's clothed and everyone's just everyone's clothes and they're in their underwear and they're sitting there. And then there's like one it was like a fucking it was like a camp icebreaker where this one guy is like, Hey, so um, all right. So what we're doing is you're new. So, um, you got to say what your name is, what you're into. What your name is, um, how old you are and what you're into. And I was like, fuck that. Okay. Look around for the cameras at that point. Yeah. What the fuck is this? What is this? This is like a social experiment. And so it was dumb. It was dumb, dumb, dumb. And I like for many moments, like I only stay there for like 20 ish minutes and I just like put my clothes on and put my clothes on. Nothing happened. Stuff happened. But then I was just like little tug little pull, but I felt like neglected. I was like, no one's like, no one's really doing it. Like no one's paying attention. And I was like, Oh, this is so interesting. And I have to like look into this. Wow. I was like, this is just so interesting. Okay. I was like, I had sex with someone and I was like, okay, I'm gonna do a case studies. And I was just like, okay, I have to go. I've only had sex with one other person and I've been in love every time. And it's a good. And it's sexy sacred. I've had sex with hundreds of people. And every single one of them I've been in love with sex. Sacred. Sacred. And so as masturbation, what? You think sex? Oh, I'm sorry. I was confused. Okay. All right. We have to do. I don't think so honey. We have to. But as a hot date, Tbh. I'm doing this caveat show called unteachable. Okay. Oh yes. I like unteachable another plug. Okay. I can go first. Great. This is not a rod or something. So honey, his time starts now. I don't think so honey flakes. Here's the fucking deal. Here's the cute human being thing to do guys. If you make explicit plans with someone show up because I'm going to show up and guess what I am a human being who could have done something else with my night. Also, I don't think so honey flakes. When you flake a second time on top of a flake then imagine the audacity of flaking out three maybe four times. Wow. 30 seconds. This is like one of the worst things you can be is someone who is not reliable. Oh my God. How embarrassing for you and how I don't think so honey worthy to be known for the fact that you cannot be relied on. 15 seconds. I pray for you. I pray. Flakes, there's a reason that your name after something that fucking sucks which is five seconds. Flakes another serial I don't like and flakes on dandruff bitch. You are that. And that's one minute. That was a very slow burn. You know I never am slow and controlled. That was a control. I'm always fast and loopy doppy. Loopy doppy fast and loopy doppy. Wow. Flakes suck. Feeling a cuckoo Lulu as Catherine Cohen. Have you been flaked by this guy for multiple times? Oh honey. Is it someone I know? Yeah. Romantically. Yeah. Okay. You know who I'm talking about. This isn't just flakes but you know what I hate on top of that and but I don't want to do my I don't think so honey is like let's stop texting and come hang out with me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's something wrong with us at large. Come over. We don't say what we want. Totally. We do not say what we want. We don't. I've been on dates recently and I'm just being gonna be like I just kind of want to ask this guy to come over but like I have to get so drunk to get there. And I have to like have a full fucking douche. Like my hole needs to be squeaky clean. Why don't you just invite someone over and then not have sex with them? Rub dicks. I've done that. I've done that. But I just every now and then I'm like I want to have sex. I want to do it. Well, that's wonderful. Okay anyway. I don't think so many people who knock on the bathroom door of a public restroom bitch. I'm inside my fucking speaking of my whole being squeaky clean. It is a fucking you got to dredge that shit out now because I'm having the most erratic shit one day it's solid little little dibs the other day and then today it was green and all liquid and I can't Lisa's disgusted. Same to me. I know. Sorry. And it's just I have to. It's an emotional roller coaster every time I walk into any toilet much less a public one where I am my most vulnerable and for you to break that to just encroach on that peaceful time in my life that I'm trying to like make sacred for myself taking a shit is sacred and sorry what? I'm sorry. I just think I got confused. But if you knock on the door, something is wrong with you. The door is locked. Take a fucking hit. Don't knock on the door. Don't rush me. Okay. Unless you're spending a lot of time in the toilet in which case I have my thing is don't knock when they do not when they do not start. I just don't trust that they're not just sitting on their phones and if you're sitting on your phone, I need to pee fine fine. Well, I'm just I'm shitting there and I know that there's people waiting. If it's a Starbucks then definitely I will try to get out of their ASAP. But how dumb would you feel as someone online who just saw a closed public restroom door and just stood there waiting and then like someone was like, is there someone in there and you open the door and there's no one there really happens, hun. That's why you because we not you know, you don't have to knock first. First you just turn the fucking door knob. And if that's locked then you don't have to. And then that's the end of the road. And then the person inside hears that you've you've sort of jiggled the knob and that's all they need to know. I think this is all rooted in the fact that you're having bad shit. I'm having such bad. I think your brain is crazy right now because your shit is wild. Yeah, that's probably a brain is crazy because my shit as well. You know my situation is very similar. Okay. Are you ready? Yeah. I don't think so, honey. And her time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Comics that fight for that thing. PC culture is ruining everything. We can't make fun of them. Oh, I'm sick of all these people are like, let us say faggot, but then hate Hannah Gatsby special. And it's like, why can't she say what she wants? You're fighting for your right to say awful shit about anyone. And then whenever anyone says anything about white men, you have meltdowns. She was treated awful out the show. I hosted someone went up after and was like, I hated that. I'm not. Oh, I'm just a white guy. I'm very unique. She got heckled at her gala. Multiple times these dudes are they stalked the guy at Netflix being like, why would you give her a special? They're wild and out. And then they're fighting for like Chappelle to be able to say tranny, but not for a woman to just talk about her experience. And then they say it's not comedy and it's annoying. And it's like, you're just not funny enough. You're not edgy. You're not playing devil's advocate. You're the status quo. You're saying the things that people have been saying for 50 years and it's annoying. It's not PC culture. You're not good enough and you're boring. And that's one minute and you are fucking dead. Sorry, I said all the bad words in there. No, no, no, no. That's not the point. You this is the thing. This is why everyone at JFL was fucking all these fucking dipshits were freaking out over Hannah Gatsby. It was because it's a woman that they looked at and they're like, I can't fuck that. Oh, but why is she successful? Yeah, they don't have a problem with Eliza. We also don't have a problem with all these dudes not being funny. Yeah, literally. God, why can't you just move on? The point. You said this. You are not. You're proving it. Oh, yeah. You're saying nothing Hannah Gatsby's ever said is funny. That's not funny. Yeah, hilarious joke. Why are you spending your time then on this like statement? If your problem is the fact that in your eyes she's spending time talking about her reality. What you are doing right now is what you're taking space to talk about your quote unquote oppression, which is a fake and B not a joke. So what where is your point? Shut the fuck up. It's not funny. You are like anyone who thinks they are the gatekeeper of comedy. Oh fuck yourself. Oh fucking out. And everyone yesterday retweeting Leslie Jones like yeah, we should be able to say whatever we want. It's like, why doesn't she have those rights either? Right. Why are you spending your time shutting her down? But you just want to scream at people and say awful things. And then you get mad when people talk about white men and you don't want to be grouped in, but you want to do jokes about, I don't know. I'm not gay, but if I was, you want to do that. And you still see it so much. Although these men are just proving Hannah's point in the end where whole point is like white men just like commandeer every fucking thing and then for them to react this way is even like whatever these other people in the world. Do you guys know who I'm talking about? This guy who's defending Southern mama on social media. Oh, I haven't seen that shit. Is it a comic we know? Yes. It's crazy to me. You've got to check this gatekeeper thing. No one owns art. This is an art form and you want to stand up there and you stand up there and you get a reaction the way that you can. And you're just jealous dude. I don't know. You're just jealous. And you can't do that. Like if it's successful, that means people react to it. So it's like what move on move on. Wow. We were running on a fiery fucking. No, I love it. Well, come on. This is not the time. No, I was rageful. No, I was rageful after I left. Oh, yeah. After the show after I left, Jeff, I was just like annoyed with someone who's like, I think it's just traditionalists. And I'm like, no, these are fucking hateful big. It's like, I don't give them. But you can't traditionalist. The thing you can't do is hear these people. You cannot hear these people out or give them space. You can't be like, well, we need to listen to all perspectives. No, if there's, if you tolerate intolerance intolerance wins. Literally the last thing I want to say is when you looked like that variety show, the comics to the comics to watch, it's so crazy to me because he did this thing that was like, uh, I'm like, he obviously was the one like of the people, whatever. Also Taylor Tomlinson was on that show doing class doing, but also doing classic stand up comedy. You know what I mean? If you want to just go up there and tell jokes, that's how you do it. You just didn't have any jokes. You just didn't fuck. You're not, you're not at that level. Like, you know, not everyone is fucking alternative or whatever. There's a lot of really amazing stand up comics right now. That was, that was a show where all of that coexisted beautifully. And exactly until that last moment. And it was so, such garbage. Fucked fucking sucked fucking sucked. Glad he went last pretty cinematic though. Truly. It was a known to follow. We said this to Dulce. We were like, it was a thrill to just watch him and watch anyone bomb like that hard at all. I've never seen someone something like that happen. Anyway, oh my God. Well, we have, we had a true legend with us tonight. This is, and also literally I looked at her at the pool and I'm like, why the fuck hasn't lies? That's what you know? Well, because so the first time I was booked to, I don't think so honey. I had to cancel and I thought you guys were mad at me the whole time and that's why I wasn't at the podcast. So I never messaged about it. Do it like people do like 10, 12 people do it every single time. It's been killing me. No, no, no, no. This is one of the funniest people in the world. I truly think that if you don't go see her at Lincoln Lodge in late August, August 24th and 25th in Chicago, I really think you're really fucking stupid. You're just fucking stupid. I don't respect you if you don't go see her show and I'm sorry, that's my truth and that is I'm the gatekeeper. And we are the gatekeepers of this. Yes. Okay. Well, we love you Lisa. Let's end on a quick little diddy. Go ahead. Who do you think you are? Vodging in on me and my guitar. For the rest of that song, get the rent soundtrack. Ooh, bye. Forever dog. This has been a Forever Dog production.
