John Gottman, a couples counselor and relationship expert, was quoted in the episode. He discussed the importance of closure in relationships, arguing that negative events which are not fully processed can linger and be remembered repeatedly. He likened unprocessed emotional events to an improvised explosive device, ready to explode with even the slightest trigger. The zygarnic effect, according to Gottman, plays a vital role in this.
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And he says, the potential role of the zygotic effect is colossal.
If we engage in a tuned processing, right, getting to closure of a negative emotional event or a regrettable incident with our partner, we will only foggyly remember it. The details will become hazy and the event insignificant.
On the other hand, if we dismiss and avoid processing a negative emotional event, it will not disappear. It will fester, ready to be triggered again.
This is why attuning, right, getting closure to a negative regrettable incident is so incredibly important, like the Viennese waiters in Zygarnik's cafe, if partners avoid processing the incident with attunement, the event and its negative emotion will lie inside each partner like an improvised explosive device, an IED ready to explode if inadvertently stepped on.
The way relationships fail is through something called the zygarnic effect. If a couple's negative events are not fully processed, that's what he calls attunement, right? Like getting to closure. If they're not fully processed, then they're remembered and rehearsed repeatedly, turned over and over in each person's mind.
