Podcast
No Stupid Questions
It was discussed as having some of the best thinking on forgiveness and grudges, focusing on the etymology of forgiveness as the opposite of a grudge and its relation to the value of relationships.
I have to point to some of the, I think best thinking about this, which was done by Roy Balmeister and his co-conspirators.
— Episode: 117. What’s Wrong With Holding a Grudge?
Episode: 117. What’s Wrong With Holding a Grudge?
It was discussed as having some of the best thinking on forgiveness and grudges, focusing on the etymology of forgiveness as the opposite of a grudge and its relation to the value of relationships.
I have to point to some of the, I think best thinking about this, which was done by Roy Balmeister and his co-conspirators.
Roy Balmeister is a social psychologist. He wrote this article, I think more than two decades ago now, on forgiveness and grudges.
Roy's point is that when we say I forgive you, we use that phrase for when you forgive someone a debt, some monetary transaction or piece of property.
But also we say that when it has nothing to do with monetary compensation, you didn't borrow anything. You lied to me, you cheated on me, you tripped to me, you hurt me, and I'm going to use that same word.
And the reason why I think Roy Balmeister is so interested in the etymology of forgiveness, which I am proposing is the opposite of holding a grudge, is that there is something about restoring the value of a relationship that happens when we forgive someone and there is the refusal to do that when we hold a grudge.